there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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