omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
