it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
