So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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