your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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