I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
