I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
