JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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