How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
