I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
