I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you had me at cake vodka
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
