Christians are straight up FREAKS
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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