Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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