I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
