How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
