White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
