I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
