K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
