I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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