I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Two words: blizzard sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
