I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
