I want to make a zoo with you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
