are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
