ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
