Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
