and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
