i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
