no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
