I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
its not stalking. its research.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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