my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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