smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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