You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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