Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
