Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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