he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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