what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
