if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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