Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
