I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
