high people should be assigned attendants
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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