There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
