just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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