Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
