never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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