Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
