My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
