If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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