I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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