and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
