i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
