I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
