Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
