God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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