Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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